The rejection of Friendship

Throughout life at some point we would of all experienced it – the need and want of everyone to like us and be our friend. 

Whether at school or at work you try to be friends with everyone wanting to be accepted by all and liked by all. But sadly this doesn’t always go to plan. Another feeling alot of us would of experienced is the hurt and the sadness of one person not referring to us as a friend or being in their chosen list of best friends or left out of a chosen group. This is a hurtful feeling when you believed they were your friend and that you believed they liked you because you liked them.  I dont think they reject us as anything personal that is just how we choose to look at it and see it. 

So what is this need we have for everyone to like us and accept us?  Why do we try so hard to be accepted?  Surely not everyone can have people as good friends. We will all have our favourites. Usually mainly in school we will change our image and personality to fit in with the popular person hoping they like us and trying to be like them. But then that makes us look fake and ingenuine. How can we expect people to like us if we are not our true self? 

In my life I have had many friends but honestly only one or two close friends I can trust. Even though many were friends I still didn’t class them in my trusted circle. For example you quickly learn who your friends are during arguments and bickering when they use personal knowledge you told them in confidence against you. 

So perhaps when I have experienced that feeling of not being accepted by another I thought was my friend I stop and wonder – perhaps unknowingly I have inflicted this hurt onto another over years gone by also? Perhaps I have left someone out of an event or not mentioned them as my best friends not knowing they were listening or that it would hurt them. 

I believe we can learn alot from rejection. We can become stronger and emotionally wiser and more self aware. We can see our own faults and seek to improve them and make ourselves better people. We can identify closer and better friendships in the future and accept our own likes and dislikes. 

Afterall I suppose we cannot be friends with everyone for this just would not work. Perhaps the people who hurt us with the snub of our friendship doesn’t really matter anyway as would they of been your friend genuinely anyway?  Were you and them alike and share alot in common? Why do we get so defensive? 

For example recently a man in work is getting married and was inviting people from work etc but he didn’t invite me or one or two others. I didn’t mind as I am alot older now but once upon a time I would of dwelled on it. It was still in the back of my mind a little – why didn’t he invite me?  Does he not like me?  Am i not as good as the others?  But I didn’t care so much for why should I?  We are not best of friends we are more colleagues. We just work together. I haven’t known these people long I just come to work to do a job I already have my friends elsewhere who I value. But still the feeling of rejection hurts at all ages. 

So my personal opinion is for us to just be ourselves we shouldn’t need to please others and be accepted by them. We should be confident in who we are and enjoy being us. If people dont wish to be a close friend of ours then that doesn’t matter for we will find greater and closer friends elsewhere. Why waste our time trying to please others when others were maybe not worth pleasing at the end of the day. 

So just enjoy yourself and not worry too much about everyone being your friend. You cannot be the same as everyone and I dont think its good surely to have too many friends as you wont be able to dedicate your time to the special friendships. They are the important ones. The beautiful connections experience with kindred souls.  So just relax and be content with your true self and true friends will find you. 

Love insecurity

Love is a fascinating beautiful thing. Love is a great feeling for us all and is the most powerful of all human emotion. But love can at times go wrong. 

Past experiences can damage our love. Past experiences can make us fear love and be scared to commit again. But why should we let it? 

We cannot allow one bad experience to affect us going forward. We cannot take one bad experience out on our new love. Afterall it isn’t their fault. So let the past be the past and leave it there. Go into your new relationship and give it 100%. Give that person your trust same as they have yours. Life and love is a gamble we must take. 

So dont let the past affect your present and future. Leave them experiences in the past and just bring forward with you the lessons from it. Leave the pain behind and use the knowledge of the pain to make you stronger and to make you better in new relationship. Life is a learning curve we grow stronger as we move forward. 

So why let a person of the past who’s potency is as weak as water on you affect your mind and your new love?  Your new love is as strong as Hercules. Bask in the glory of your new love. Give them everything you have. If you love them then show them. Fight to keep them. Dont let the past cloud out the future. Banish the dark clouds and make now and the future like a beautiful summers day. 

So dont let the past affect you. Remember love is a staircase and each step is stronger love. Sometimes we fall but at the top is true love. Keep climbing. 

So be re-born with your new love and start from scratch stronger and wiser. Go into it with eyes wide open and a heart of freedom. 

Dont live in fear of hurt. For fear is the enemy of success. Dont let fear stand between you and what you want. If you want that person destroy the fear. Dont let yourself down and be strong. Dont be your own worse enemy. 

We have all had bad experiences but be the smart person you are and overcome them. In fact be thankful to them for teaching you love. For without pain how can we know true love? 

So give your new love a chance and go into your relationship with belief in each other. Let them have your trust 100% until they break it. It is a commitment you have both made. Love is the greatest thing of all when it works both ways. Dont let the faces of the past upset the faces of today. The face you love now and eternally. 

So let your love overcome your fear for love conquers all!  

The blink of an eye

Time goes by in the blink of an eye, 

dont think everything will always stay the same, 

you will only have yourself to blame, 

time just doesnt stand still, it moves quickly at its own will, 

Dont miss out on oppurtunity, make the most of what you see,

dont put off till tomorrow what can be done today, 

because before you know it that time and dream has gone away, 

life is short and sweet make the most of who we meet,

they wont always be here, so keep in touch with those who you value dear,

If you find love never let it go, the greatest feeling we can show,

for hindsight is a wonderful thing, as your love is loved by another being, happy once again in their new beginning,

make the most of chance while you can, 

for we all live and die and time passes by in the blink of an eye,

in the blink of an eye…

Them broken eyes

I stood before my friend,  who at times has been my enemy,  I looked into his eyes and they showed a broken man. 

Tears drained from them down his cheek but he made no noise. He gazed back at me and said no words. 

The love of his life had broke his heart, innocently she had found the love of a new man,  and just like that she had left him, just like that she was gone,  never to return. 

Now all he was left with is memories, heartbreak and the tortured visions of the girl he loved with another man lay next to her in bed in his mind. He wanted be there and he wanted to be the one who held her. But just like that his dream was over. 

He stood a broken soul,  knowing she would marry elsewhere and have children with another man. For them three amazing years he had loved her so much. He adored her, she had been his guide, his light and he protected her and respected her. But time hadn’t stood still and life passed by and her destiny was sealed. 

All he can do now is accept it knowing she preferred another man,  that she makes love to another and it breaks his heart. He hadn’t always been perfect but he loved her deeply and honestly. He did his best for her to keep her safe. To him she was the most beautiful girl in the world.  

He wasn’t all innocent himself. He had hurt her feelings once talking to another girl by caring for another. But it wasn’t a sexual interest just a close friendship but dangerous also. Still he hurt her but stayed to pick up the pieces and make her OK. But there was no one here now to pick up the pieces. He was alone injured like a soldier on a battlefield. I have never seen him so wounded. Maybe karma had struck. 

His tears of sadness flow,  his sleepless nights continue,  his tortured mind replays images,  his heart is in a billion pieces. 

Before me is my friend,  before me is his lost soul,  missing the guidance she gave him,  missing the words she said which he clung onto and believed in like no other. 

His three amazing years with a girl he loved truly had come to an end and so had his world. For she was his world and she had saved him from darkness in the first place. Now he had to do the right thing and let her go. Let her be happy. Together they had experienced every emotion,  anger, hate, sadness, jealousy, rage,  but the love outweighed them all. But now it is over and he possesses only sadness. 

What happens when love goes wrong? May my friend someday rise again

The Childs eye

Have you ever stopped and thought about the reflections in a Childs eye? 

What are we exposing children to?  What are we letting them see and not caring towards it? 

The reflections in a Childs eye we see bombs and explosions and wars how can we allow such innocent amazement to be subjected to mankinds worse terrors? 

A childs eye sees hate of man for man. The anger filled rage of humans desperate for power. The innocent hearts of children are being filled with hate and the sights of death. Should they not allowed to be innocent children? Should they not be allowed to be kept safe and grow happy and live happy? Is the Childs heart now filled with terror? 

A Childs eye sees warzones and battles and evil taking place before them. Where is the love of this world for the children to see? 

A Childs eye sees ongoing war of which they see no end. How can they have any hope for the future? How can our generations allow them to live through this? 

A Childs eye sees such anger,  hatred and violence. What must they think of the world they live in?  What must they think of the adults of this world and humanity? Why are the adults not considering the children? Why are they not thinking of the mess they make of which the children have to grow up in and sort out? 

The eyes of children are being made to hate and dislike and to feel and experience expressions and feelings that dont belong in the magical kingdom of children. 

So next time you see the reflection in a Childs eye,  hope it isn’t followed by tear drops, a fearful cry on sight of seeing humanitys evil, of seeing people die. 

They say love conquers all,  and now is the time love must conquer for the future,  the present is shrouded in evil. 

Evil like the present evil should be banished forever and children of today should be able to say one day ‘I grew up in such terror,  but for today and the future is such paradise’ and for their children and the future generations. May peace reign with such majestic grace. 

We as adults must make the future safe now and bring forward peace so the children of the future can grow without fear and hate and instead embrace the love of humanity and travel this beautiful world happily and be welcomed by everyone. 

For the kingdom of children – must become the kingdom of mankind. 

A childhood home

For me walking into my nanas house as a child was like walking back in time. Into a bygone yesteryear.  There was ornaments and clocks and furniture from a time which pre-dated my life almost double. My nana lived in a traditional English house which most people lived in at the time. A two up,  two down terrace house. The front door stepped straight out onto the street and out the back was a nice yard.  

To me looking back to when I was a child my grandmother’s house was a magical place.  A place I spent alot of my childhood in the summer holidays when my nana used to take care of me and my brother when mum went to work.It holds sentimental value. I had never known my grandad he had died 8 years before I was born but I always felt like he was still there in some way.  

Now to me this house was peaceful and relaxing but it hadn’t always been like that. It was steeped deep in family history and my nan had lived there since she was roughly 18 with my grandad. 

Houses were not what they are now. Standards are not the same as now.  My nana used to have to battle mice and cockroaches reguarly as this was a common thing. This was the 1930s and standards were not so great.  There was an outside toilet. The whole idea of an outside toilet to me seems like a long way in history and madness as to how anyone could live like that!  But that was the times and the normal!  My mum once told me of how horrible it was going outside to the toilet in the middle of a cold bleak mid winters night. I am so lucky to live in such advanced times.  

World war two had broken out and my grandad had volunteered for the navy to help fight the nazi war machine.  This was a time of hardship not realized in most modern british minds and lives. My nan has been left at home alone to survive alone with a young daughter during the early years of the war.  I often remember her telling me of during some air raids she and my aunty as a very young girl possibly two or three years old would hide in the pantry under the stairs. This pantry was there throughout all the time I visited and to me it was a little area under my nans stairs with the entry into the pantry in the kitchen where she kept a few boxes of storage and a hoover.  But I bet alot of emotion was contained within that small space of time.  Emotions such as worry and anger and panic and sadness.  A place of a flickering candle in the black out and the sounds of bombs dropping and the sounds of the planes going over. Once a bomb landed close by and blew the windows outwards.  I cannot imagine all this happening within the walls I spent many a happy time and many nights staying over as a child. 

Over time as the years passed my nan had 9 children all born in the same front bedroom overlooking the street outside. Once I helped my uncle decorate the front room and there was remains of another time under the paper.  There was names on the wall and markings where my mum and her eight siblings had been doing a height chart with each name against their height carved into the wall. This was probably lost in time from the 1950s and 60s and once again shown itself in the mid 1990s.  Where had these times gone?  Time had flew by fast.  

Here is a family history steeped deep. Life’s had been played out here and events and situations and emotions had unfolded amongst so many different people.  There was happy times and there was sad times.  My nan suffered the loss of my grandad.  He died young especially by todays standards and was robbed of many happy years.  

But there was many happy christmas times as well.  As a young child myself my nana cooked for the whole family. For such a small house at least 30 of us managed to fit in on Christmas day to share Christmas dinner together.  How my nana in her 70s managed to Cook for that many people I will never know and at the time maybe never appreciated but looking back she has my full on respect for such an achievement year after year.

I cannot imagine 8 children all sleeping in one room.  My mum and her sisters all shared the front bedroom.  This was common for big families to do so at one time. Im not sure if today it is allowed I dont know but then it was normal. So many childhoods were spent here. Children and many grandchildren spent hours in the house and many slept over in the same front bedroom.  I always detected a presence in the front bedroom perhaps it was energies passed from many and memories and time showing itself. 

Sadly my nan passed away at the age of 98 and the house which had remained within my family for 80 years had to be sold.  Now its for a new family and a new beginning, era and time and I often wonder – do the new owners know the memories of so many different people which were within them four walls?  Did they know exactly how many people were born into the room they now possess as a quiet room in their home and exactly how many childhoods were spent there of people who have long since grown up? 

The aunty who my nana sat in the pantry as a young child also grew up and grew old into her 70s and has passed away. She had lived her whole life and she came and she went in the flicker of time. My nana had been born many years before her and outlived her oldest daughter by a further four or so years before nan died.  So now they are back together and I wonder if the shadows of time will replay and the echoes of them memories of them two in the pantry still linger? Them two together again in time.  

Perhaps them energies of that home and memories will linger within them walls forever and within the hearts of those who know how much the house in sentimental value it was really worth… 

Lost relatives

Its a sad day when someone’s life comes to an end.  When their story is over and their is no more chapters. They have ran out of time. Everyone has a story to tell, a beautiful life.  I often wonder what tales people had to tell which sadly were never heard.  

Sadly we take people for granted. Example being my grandparents. I loved them but didn’t always make the time I should of to of seen them more. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.  I just thought that they would be here forever. I imagined time would stand still and no one would ever leave. Sadly this is not the case.  But I am left warm by tales of their amazing life and in some ways their true love stories etc.  A photo album keeps them alive and the flame of their memory lit.  

Once my father did a family tree and it was fascinating.  There was people I didn’t know had existed related to me and had long since been forgotten about in time.  It had breathed life back into these people.  They had resurfaced once again.  I often wonder what their lives were like.  I began to wonder what events had taken place and happiness and of suffering and hardship.  Had they always been happy?  It had brought a life long since forgotten back to life.  It felt magic and brought my imagination forward and sent it running wild.  Who were they? What did they do for work and who was their family?  I imagined them in my minds eye. It was fascinating.  I even wrote a story I published online about my fathers great grandmother Celia and her life that we knew of. She was the one who interested me the most.  Her life was shrouded in mystery.  We never managed to find out who fathered her child.  In them days it was great shame to have a child out of wedlock. Who was he?  What had happened to her?  How and when did she die?  This we shall never know as it is lost in history as hard as we tried to find out.  But she fascinated me.  We knew she was a domestic serveant.  So I wrote a story using my imagination to answer the mystery of her life.  

Also my hero happens to be my grandfather who I never met.  He had died 8 years before I was born and to me he was a war hero who sailed the seven seas for king and country in world war two.  I never met him but he makes me proud.  Who is your hero in your family tree?  We will all find a figure of inspiration and interest somewhere.  

Are we like any of these people?  Do we possess their looks or traits, habbits and interests and behaviours? I believe somewhere within our genetics is surpressed passed on memories from our ancestors we dont know how to unlock. Perhaps as genetics are passed on perhaps so are memories and knowledge of certain things. Maybe it explains phobias etc.

So we should never take people for granted. Not just relatives but those close to us and who we have known since children.  No one is here forever.  No one gets out of life alive. So we must make the most of great people and be thankful for them and make most of the time we have together.  

I wish I had the chance to say goodbye to my grandparents.  They are the only ones I will ever have.  Sadly the past is forever locked in regret. 

So what I always remember is that no matter what part of the world we are from, no matter how much propoganda is spread against people. We all have parents and grandparents and ancestors of which all have fascinating tales to tell. No ones history is better than anyone elses and we must all be proud of the great people who went before us as we are made up of them people who we are today.  They still exist within us and live on through us.  

So if you still have parents and grandparents make the most of them and in your own way tell them what they mean to you.  They won’t be here forever and always wonder… What magical stories exist within your family tree?