In all walks of life and in all ages bullying exists. We all know someone or have experienced ourselves evidence of bullying. Bullying hurts them who are the victims deeper than the bully will ever know.
In my own experience of bullying it was a year which caught me alone. I was 11 years old and it was my first year of my new school. I hardly knew anyone at all and didn’t make friends easy because I was shy.
Unfortunately I became the victim of a series of bullying for almost a year. This was extremely difficult for me as a young boy as the two people who bullied me were girls. I dont know why they chose me and I dont know what they wanted. I think had I been bullied by two boys it would be different as I could of handled it better. If needs be by combat to sort it out and draw a line of respect. But when its two girls that option is not there. I didn’t know what to do or how to handle it. All I could do was take the abuse and suffer it and carry on. The name calling and the insults really hurt more than physical bullying. It gets to the soul and emotion and upsets you more. Physical wounds will heal but emotion and psychological wounds are permanently damaged.
Whenever I had to walk past them they would block me with their legs if they were sat down and once or twice one kicked me. Another time they blocked me in a coridoor and showered me with insults and anger. The whispering about you and laughing with others looking at you and the turning of people against you is sore. They say sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me but trust me they do. Sticks and stones hurt your bones but words harm the heart and soul. Words can bring a person to their knees and break hearts.
I dont know if at the time they knew they were bullying me etc and realized it and have probably long since forgot about it but for me it scarred me and I have took it from that time with me my whole entire life and will come with me the memories to my grave.
I was once sat on the stairs at home sad re-living the words one evening after seeing them. My mum asked if I was ok because I looked sad and I said I was fine. I never told anyone and kept it to myself. There was nothing no one could of done. Telling the teacher would be pointless as it would spread my ridicule and embarrassment and humiliation further. I suffered and I suffered alone in silence. What is a boy supposed to do against two girls?
It made me insecure and feel ugly, weak and pathetic and had no confidence in myself. I felt like nothing and just terrible and lived in fright of going school. The bullying wasn’t always happening. It wasn’t relentless but I think a big part of bullying is the dread you feel of knowing you have to face them and when you see them in school your heart sinks.
I am just glad that when I was 11 the internet basically didn’t exist. Had I been on facebook etc I think they would of cyber bullied me. That would of infiltrated my house. Home during this time was my safe haven where I felt secure.
Anyway something in their friendship must of changed as the bullying one day just stopped and over time I forgave one of them as I think secretly she had fancied me and became nice to me over the years but the other I shall never forgive. She was the ring leader and the ruthless one. Even at times when I seen her over the years I remember that dread feeling. The upset I had because of her and the damage she had done to me. But I know now as the person I am today that now I would eat them for breakfast as I am much stronger now.
It made me insecure and anxious and shy of people and at such a young age for a boy when I should of been mixing with girls and learning about the opposite gender it made me shy away. It made me panic incase it happened again and had no confidence in myself and a belief girls wouldn’t like me.
I suppose maybe they didn’t know they were bullying me or torturing me the way they did and victimising me. I know my experience was probably minimal and people go through alot worse and I cant imagine what people must go through. What I went through was more than enough and I suppose it could of been worse but it was enough to damage me. Life can be cruel and people can be changed forever through bullying.
When you live through bullying and come out the other side you are stronger and smart and more aware. You must never let them win. There was times they nearly broke me. But in fact they made me. They made me the person I am today.
I think Bullys are usually insecure of themselves and reflecting attention away from their own downfalls and weaknesses. I think cyber bullys are cowards who need to grow up and discover true emotion and experience life and people and hurt and love. They need be secure in themselves.
So I thank my bullys for making me stronger and smarter with a deeper soul. They made me the man I am today.
Sadly I think bullying willl always exist and victimisation etc but if you are in these situations then fight on and smile through and be true to yourself and walk on. For there will be a brighter day. Without suffering we will never know happiness when we find it.
Also if you are tormenting or teasing someone consistantly remember it might be a bit of fun to you which soon will be forgotten but to the victim it is something they won’t forget and carry the sadness, anger, upset, worry and torture with them for the rest of their life and have been scarred by your actions.
I have never told anyone this of that year but writing this blog has helped lift a weight off my soul and helped me bring closure…