Bullying hurts

In all walks of life and in all ages bullying exists. We all know someone or have experienced ourselves evidence of bullying. Bullying hurts them who are the victims deeper than the bully will ever know. 

In my own experience of bullying it was a year which caught me alone. I was 11 years old and it was my first year of my new school. I hardly knew anyone at all and didn’t make friends easy because I was shy. 

Unfortunately I became the victim of a series of bullying for almost a year. This was extremely difficult for me as a young boy as the two people who bullied me were girls. I dont know why they chose me and I dont know what they wanted. I think had I been bullied by two boys it would be different as I could of handled it better. If needs be by combat to sort it out and draw a line of respect. But when its two girls that option is not there. I didn’t know what to do or how to handle it. All I could do was take the abuse and suffer it and carry on. The name calling and the insults really hurt more than physical bullying. It gets to the soul and emotion and upsets you more. Physical wounds will heal but emotion and psychological wounds are permanently damaged. 

Whenever I had to walk past them they would block me with their legs if they were sat down and once or twice one kicked me. Another time they blocked me in a coridoor and showered me with insults and anger. The whispering about you and laughing with others looking at you and the turning of people against you is sore. They say sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me but trust me they do. Sticks and stones hurt your bones but words harm the heart and soul. Words can bring a person to their knees and break hearts. 

I dont know if at the time they knew they were bullying me etc and realized it and have probably long since forgot about it but for me it scarred me and I have took it from that time with me my whole entire life and will come with me the memories to my grave. 

I was once sat on the stairs at home sad re-living the words one evening after seeing them. My mum asked if I was ok because I looked sad and I said I was fine. I never told anyone and kept it to myself. There was nothing no one could of done. Telling the teacher would be pointless as it would spread my ridicule and embarrassment and humiliation further. I suffered and I suffered alone in silence. What is a boy supposed to do against two girls?  

It made me insecure and feel ugly, weak and pathetic and had no confidence in myself. I felt like nothing and just terrible and lived in fright of going school. The bullying wasn’t always happening. It wasn’t relentless but I think a big part of bullying is the dread you feel of knowing you have to face them and when you see them in school your heart sinks. 

I am just glad that when I was 11 the internet basically didn’t exist. Had I been on facebook etc I think they would of cyber bullied me. That would of infiltrated my house. Home during this time was my safe haven where I felt secure. 

Anyway something in their friendship must of changed as the bullying one day just stopped and over time I forgave one of them as I think secretly she had fancied me and became nice to me over the years but the other I shall never forgive. She was the ring leader and the ruthless one. Even at times when I seen her over the years I remember that dread feeling. The upset I had because of her and the damage she had done to me. But I know now as the person I am today that now I would eat them for breakfast as I am much stronger now. 

It made me insecure and anxious and shy of people and at such a young age for a boy when I should of been mixing with girls and learning about the opposite gender it made me shy away. It made me panic incase it happened again and had no confidence in myself and a belief girls wouldn’t like me. 

I suppose maybe they didn’t know they were bullying me or torturing me the way they did and victimising me. I know my experience was probably minimal and people go through alot worse and I cant imagine what people must go through. What I went through was more than enough and I suppose it could of been worse but it was enough to damage me. Life can be cruel and people can be changed forever through bullying. 

When you live through bullying and come out the other side you are stronger and smart and more aware. You must never let them win. There was times they nearly broke me. But in fact they made me. They made me the person I am today. 

I think Bullys are usually insecure of themselves and reflecting attention away from their own downfalls and weaknesses. I think cyber bullys are cowards who need to grow up and discover true emotion and experience life and people and hurt and love. They need be secure in themselves. 

So I thank my bullys for making me stronger and smarter with a deeper soul. They made me the man I am today. 

Sadly I think bullying willl always exist and victimisation etc but if you are in these situations then fight on and smile through and be true to yourself and walk on. For there will be a brighter day. Without suffering we will never know happiness when we find it. 

Also if you are tormenting or teasing someone consistantly remember it might be a bit of fun to you which soon will be forgotten but to the victim it is something they won’t forget and carry the sadness, anger, upset, worry and torture with them for the rest of their life and have been scarred by your actions. 

I have never told anyone this of that year but writing this blog has helped lift a weight off my soul and helped me bring closure… 

The rejection of Friendship

Throughout life at some point we would of all experienced it – the need and want of everyone to like us and be our friend. 

Whether at school or at work you try to be friends with everyone wanting to be accepted by all and liked by all. But sadly this doesn’t always go to plan. Another feeling alot of us would of experienced is the hurt and the sadness of one person not referring to us as a friend or being in their chosen list of best friends or left out of a chosen group. This is a hurtful feeling when you believed they were your friend and that you believed they liked you because you liked them.  I dont think they reject us as anything personal that is just how we choose to look at it and see it. 

So what is this need we have for everyone to like us and accept us?  Why do we try so hard to be accepted?  Surely not everyone can have people as good friends. We will all have our favourites. Usually mainly in school we will change our image and personality to fit in with the popular person hoping they like us and trying to be like them. But then that makes us look fake and ingenuine. How can we expect people to like us if we are not our true self? 

In my life I have had many friends but honestly only one or two close friends I can trust. Even though many were friends I still didn’t class them in my trusted circle. For example you quickly learn who your friends are during arguments and bickering when they use personal knowledge you told them in confidence against you. 

So perhaps when I have experienced that feeling of not being accepted by another I thought was my friend I stop and wonder – perhaps unknowingly I have inflicted this hurt onto another over years gone by also? Perhaps I have left someone out of an event or not mentioned them as my best friends not knowing they were listening or that it would hurt them. 

I believe we can learn alot from rejection. We can become stronger and emotionally wiser and more self aware. We can see our own faults and seek to improve them and make ourselves better people. We can identify closer and better friendships in the future and accept our own likes and dislikes. 

Afterall I suppose we cannot be friends with everyone for this just would not work. Perhaps the people who hurt us with the snub of our friendship doesn’t really matter anyway as would they of been your friend genuinely anyway?  Were you and them alike and share alot in common? Why do we get so defensive? 

For example recently a man in work is getting married and was inviting people from work etc but he didn’t invite me or one or two others. I didn’t mind as I am alot older now but once upon a time I would of dwelled on it. It was still in the back of my mind a little – why didn’t he invite me?  Does he not like me?  Am i not as good as the others?  But I didn’t care so much for why should I?  We are not best of friends we are more colleagues. We just work together. I haven’t known these people long I just come to work to do a job I already have my friends elsewhere who I value. But still the feeling of rejection hurts at all ages. 

So my personal opinion is for us to just be ourselves we shouldn’t need to please others and be accepted by them. We should be confident in who we are and enjoy being us. If people dont wish to be a close friend of ours then that doesn’t matter for we will find greater and closer friends elsewhere. Why waste our time trying to please others when others were maybe not worth pleasing at the end of the day. 

So just enjoy yourself and not worry too much about everyone being your friend. You cannot be the same as everyone and I dont think its good surely to have too many friends as you wont be able to dedicate your time to the special friendships. They are the important ones. The beautiful connections experience with kindred souls.  So just relax and be content with your true self and true friends will find you. 

Love insecurity

Love is a fascinating beautiful thing. Love is a great feeling for us all and is the most powerful of all human emotion. But love can at times go wrong. 

Past experiences can damage our love. Past experiences can make us fear love and be scared to commit again. But why should we let it? 

We cannot allow one bad experience to affect us going forward. We cannot take one bad experience out on our new love. Afterall it isn’t their fault. So let the past be the past and leave it there. Go into your new relationship and give it 100%. Give that person your trust same as they have yours. Life and love is a gamble we must take. 

So dont let the past affect your present and future. Leave them experiences in the past and just bring forward with you the lessons from it. Leave the pain behind and use the knowledge of the pain to make you stronger and to make you better in new relationship. Life is a learning curve we grow stronger as we move forward. 

So why let a person of the past who’s potency is as weak as water on you affect your mind and your new love?  Your new love is as strong as Hercules. Bask in the glory of your new love. Give them everything you have. If you love them then show them. Fight to keep them. Dont let the past cloud out the future. Banish the dark clouds and make now and the future like a beautiful summers day. 

So dont let the past affect you. Remember love is a staircase and each step is stronger love. Sometimes we fall but at the top is true love. Keep climbing. 

So be re-born with your new love and start from scratch stronger and wiser. Go into it with eyes wide open and a heart of freedom. 

Dont live in fear of hurt. For fear is the enemy of success. Dont let fear stand between you and what you want. If you want that person destroy the fear. Dont let yourself down and be strong. Dont be your own worse enemy. 

We have all had bad experiences but be the smart person you are and overcome them. In fact be thankful to them for teaching you love. For without pain how can we know true love? 

So give your new love a chance and go into your relationship with belief in each other. Let them have your trust 100% until they break it. It is a commitment you have both made. Love is the greatest thing of all when it works both ways. Dont let the faces of the past upset the faces of today. The face you love now and eternally. 

So let your love overcome your fear for love conquers all!  

The blink of an eye

Time goes by in the blink of an eye, 

dont think everything will always stay the same, 

you will only have yourself to blame, 

time just doesnt stand still, it moves quickly at its own will, 

Dont miss out on oppurtunity, make the most of what you see,

dont put off till tomorrow what can be done today, 

because before you know it that time and dream has gone away, 

life is short and sweet make the most of who we meet,

they wont always be here, so keep in touch with those who you value dear,

If you find love never let it go, the greatest feeling we can show,

for hindsight is a wonderful thing, as your love is loved by another being, happy once again in their new beginning,

make the most of chance while you can, 

for we all live and die and time passes by in the blink of an eye,

in the blink of an eye…

Them broken eyes

I stood before my friend,  who at times has been my enemy,  I looked into his eyes and they showed a broken man. 

Tears drained from them down his cheek but he made no noise. He gazed back at me and said no words. 

The love of his life had broke his heart, innocently she had found the love of a new man,  and just like that she had left him, just like that she was gone,  never to return. 

Now all he was left with is memories, heartbreak and the tortured visions of the girl he loved with another man lay next to her in bed in his mind. He wanted be there and he wanted to be the one who held her. But just like that his dream was over. 

He stood a broken soul,  knowing she would marry elsewhere and have children with another man. For them three amazing years he had loved her so much. He adored her, she had been his guide, his light and he protected her and respected her. But time hadn’t stood still and life passed by and her destiny was sealed. 

All he can do now is accept it knowing she preferred another man,  that she makes love to another and it breaks his heart. He hadn’t always been perfect but he loved her deeply and honestly. He did his best for her to keep her safe. To him she was the most beautiful girl in the world.  

He wasn’t all innocent himself. He had hurt her feelings once talking to another girl by caring for another. But it wasn’t a sexual interest just a close friendship but dangerous also. Still he hurt her but stayed to pick up the pieces and make her OK. But there was no one here now to pick up the pieces. He was alone injured like a soldier on a battlefield. I have never seen him so wounded. Maybe karma had struck. 

His tears of sadness flow,  his sleepless nights continue,  his tortured mind replays images,  his heart is in a billion pieces. 

Before me is my friend,  before me is his lost soul,  missing the guidance she gave him,  missing the words she said which he clung onto and believed in like no other. 

His three amazing years with a girl he loved truly had come to an end and so had his world. For she was his world and she had saved him from darkness in the first place. Now he had to do the right thing and let her go. Let her be happy. Together they had experienced every emotion,  anger, hate, sadness, jealousy, rage,  but the love outweighed them all. But now it is over and he possesses only sadness. 

What happens when love goes wrong? May my friend someday rise again

A broken heart

A few weeks ago I visited Prestatyn beach in North Wales. I go here quite often I find it quite relaxing especially around dinner time of an evening towards sunset. There are a few people about walking the dogs on a nice walk. Its quite reflective. 

But one evening I was greeted by the sounds of something I dont hear often or at all – a grown man crying his eyes out….

I sat on the steps overlooking the beach and the sea. Behind me was the car park. I sat gazing out to sea enjoying the sunset when I heard a noise behind me which alerted me. The sound of sobbing. I turned round and seen a man sat in his car. He had his hands over his eyes. At first I thought he was rubbing his eyes. I looked back out to sea again. Then I heard sobbing again. 

I turned round to see the man crying heavy. Tears ran down his face and he wiped them away. He gazed at his phone and burst into tears again. He wiped them away but the tears fell fast. 

I paused as it was one of them moments where I didn’t know what to do. Should I go and see if he is OK?  Or is that intruding on his grief? I decided to leave him to grieve alone. Im not one for sharing troubles so I decided not to interfere. 

He sat and looked round the place and his emotions settled for a minute. He checked his phone and once again began to sob. 

What could reduce a man to such tears?  I could tell this wasn’t an argument. This man had very recently suffered a tragic loss. As he was alone I assumed he had just lost his girlfriend/wife. He wasn’t an old man I would guess in his forties. He gazed round and cried again.

I wondered was this a special place for them over the years?  Had they strolled hand in hand together here over the years down the sea front along the promenade? Had nature been cruel and brought an end to an era?  He was now alone with just memories and pictures on his phone. 

I felt sorry for him. Here is everyone happy going about their lives unaware of the heartbreak people near by must be going through. I couldn’t imagine the heart ache he must be experiencing. I sat close by I tried to smile briefly if he looked my way. He was too wrapped up in sadness and memories. 

This went on for ten minutes. He started his car engine had a quick glance along the seafront sobbed again and left. I watched him drive away. Was this a final goodbye I wondered. A chapter in his life of coming here to such a sentimental place possibly had come to an end.  His world had fell apart. 

I hoped he was alright as he drove off. He probably was returning to an empty lonely house full of sadness,  pictures and memories. I couldn’t imagine going to bed alone to a cold mattress knowing that person should be there. His world clearly had fell apart and his soul forever tortured. 

So I sit and wonder while I am happy – how many people out there have suffered the same sadness and I gave them a thought. It goes to show we must enjoy our lives while we can.  

Perhaps places we go to us are nice and simple basic places but to others it could be a magical place with such memories to them and others. Places of love and happiness and sentiment. I have special places to me that hold meaning. 

So if you have a special someone and a special place make the most of it. Tell them often you love them and enjoy your magical place together for times goes by on the blink of an eye… 

Second EU Referendum

Recently I have become aware of how unhappy this country has become,  how divided we have become due to the EU referendum. I am calling for a second referendum. Please read on.. 

Last time both campaigns were weak and no one knew the true facts. The leave campaign spun just good positives and hid away bad negatives which have since come forward making the leave vote look a disaster. 

The remain campaign was so weak it stood no chance. In my eyes David Cameron did very little. He made no effort to convince people. He showed no real facts of the doom of leaving and going to an EU meeting for reforms on behalf of the British people who wanted reforms he came back with a blank piece of paper basically dissapointing many.  This sealed his fate before the EU referendum ballot papers had even been looked at by the British. 

I understand the leave campaigns vote. We want tighter border controls. This isn’t aimed at good people wishing to come here to work. This isn’t aimed at students. We welcome you!  We want you here!  It is aimed at the minority who wish to abuse our benefit system. At them who come here for bad reasons and many do. We want to filter them out. The EU wasn’t allowing. But this isn’t a good enough reason abandon the EU and punish the whole UK.  To me it was a protest against the EU laws. I spoke to many people who have said ‘I voted leave – but I didn’t seriously think we would’ therefore perhaps it wasn’t never a true intention of many and more of a protest etc. 

I also understand the remain vote.  We want our EU workers here. We want our european neighbours to visit and work and study. We need you!  We want our visits to european destinations in the sun also. We want our tariff free trade. We want freedom to go into europe also and enjoy the wonderful cities of europe. 

So now we are all aware of the true facts not dealt to us before hand – I call for a second referendum so the British can truly decide Britain’s fate aware with all the facts and not just one or two silly quotes. 

Peoples lives and livelyhoods depend on this. It must now be done again to save a nation from total ruin and collapse. We cannot allow a grudge between us and Europe. We dont want to be seen as ignorant. We are tolerant and welcome all who wish to do good here. 

Many people have foreign girlfriends/boyfriends and husband/wifes and they have been left with a bad taste in their mouth. It is damaging relations. Peoples jobs and study programs are in jeopardy from this. The vote needs to be genuine and with honesty and no lies spun! We dont want to alienate our EU nationals and other nationalities who live here. We dont want to push our tourism away either. This is a proud nation who welcomes all! 

People say ‘oh they won’t give us a second referendum’ well why not?  This is a country of the people!!  If we want one and have enough support they cant forbid us our right!  We want a second referendum! We need to save the country we are all so proud of!  This is our island we dont want it ruined!  We want to be a proud nation again. Lets make it right. Lets save Britain!

Non of us truly wish for Scotland to leave the UK either. This is the United Kingdom. They voted to stay in the UK and the EU. People are being alienated here and the nation is being divided into many sections. We want it to stay as it is – United!  So the government needs to grant us a second referendum!!  If they care for Britain and the British people they shall grant it. We need the support to put it to them!! 

So now we are all aware of the facts. Lets go and vote again!  Whatever the outcome is the finale of referendums. If we vote leave again we have left. If remain wins then we remain.  This will be the final outcome and we must all accept the outcome. Make it a strong campaign! Find the non voters and bring their vote!  Come on everyone your country needs you!  The future needs you!  The people need you! 

So we are all aware of the facts now and we want a second referendum and why not?  Lets save Britain! Lets have a second referendum!!