Within darkness….

In life is everything we do and everything we work for pointless if we dont have someone to share it with?

Is it all meaningful and special without someone to experience it with us and to enjoy it with us and be proud in the eyes of others

One day who will appreciate our work and our time and effort if there is no one to remember us and who we was and what we did

Through having people with us and around us is this the best way to immortalise ourselves?

What becomes of the lonely? Those who give life their everything but without a special someone ended with nothing.

It can be so lonely in a room of people. Sometimes you feel so invisible and no one would notice if you left. Sometimes you feel you dont matter at all.

Sometimes it is hard to escape the darkness of our minds. When we get lost and search frantically for a light to lead us out into where we are free.

Sometimes we are our own worse enemies and greatest critics. Where we turn against ourselves and become negative.

Where the horrible words of others throughout our lives come back to haunt us and destroy our mind and happiness.

I sometimes feel like I am in deep water, I am going under the water often and struggling to return to the surface for air and I get air sometimes but I keep going back under and the fight continues to stay above the surface.

I search for my purpose and I often can never find it. I search for who I want to be but a battle of who I want to be and what I should be takes place.

Once the negative gets a grip on you it keeps coming back again and again and again and doesnt chose when or where it just happens.

A battle takes place between my positives and my negatives. But as if with life the positive vibes only come from me but the negatives often are said by others towards me over the years and this is heard again by me in their voice in my mind.

I gaze in the mirror and remember the cruel words of others. I sometimes hate the person staring back at me because of them words. Because of how they made me feel.

I compare myself to others and wonder why I am not like them. I envy others and face shame and embarrassment of myself.

I sometimes focus on my flaws. They become magnified and I begin to wish I had never been born

Then I sometimes feel so trapped in life and how people see me and things I have said and done wrong and my behaviour at times and how I feel out of place or with no place and I just wish I could end it all and leave this life

But it is these demons which motivate me on to achieve my dreams while I can and achieve all I can while I can.

Life for some can be so tough and our minds can be such a dark place to play.

I win many battles against my mind but I often wonder if one day – I will lose the war – but it is a war I shall be victorious….

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s