The Pendle Witch

In anient England in 1612 one of the most famous trials took place – The Pendle Witch trials.

There once lived a woman named Elizabeth Southern aka ‘Old Demdike’ and was the most famous and notorious witch of Pendle casting curses and spells and magic. Demike is probably the most famous witch of England and was said to be very powerful. It is believed she was the leader of a witches coven in England and its reign of terror upon the people. 

Old Demdike claimed in her confessions she met a boy once who claimed he was a demon and a devil. He offered her other worldy powers to possess and magic in return for her soul. He wore a black and brown coat and she seen him many times in her life. He went by the name of ‘Tibb’. 

Occasionally Tibb would appear to her as a brown dog and demand to drink some of her blood.    

Demdike dwelt in the Forest of Pendle. She worked as an agent for the devil and his work himself and in her life no one truly knows how much she commited as a witch. She lived to be an old lady and brought her daughter Elizabeth up as a Witch and her granddaughter Alison. No man ever escaped the fury of Demdike. 

The rumour and legend has it the three witches were often seen digging up bodies from the local cemetry in Newchurch for body parts for magic spells. Taking them back to their coven to cast magic. 

Overall in the Witches coven was upto 12 people. They would often meet in the forest and down by the river and upon Pendle Hill. 

Demdike had a rival witch up against her – old Chattox an old hag of a witch with little sight. Her and her daughter Alice Redfearn were also witches and Demdike and Chattox had a rivalry. It is said Chattox had murdered many through witchcraft including a member of Demdikes family called John Device in 1601. 

The witches reign of terror came to an end in 1612 when Demdikes granddaughter Alison Device met a pedler on the road to Pendle and asked him for his pins. They were expensive in the day and good for healing rituals. The pedler refused so she pointed her finger at him and cursed him. 

A couple of yards up the road the pedler fell to the floor with a stroke. Alison Device became aware of her powers as a witch. She claims she asked the devil to strike him down. 

King James heard of the evil taking place and see it as a threat against himself and ordered the trial and death of all the witches. The greatest trial began. The Pendle witch trials of which seen the hanging of many witches and supposed witches in England. 

During the trials Alison Device confessed to what she had done to John Law the pedler and how she had bewitched a local child. Old Demdike blind and in her 80s confessed nothing. 

Elizabeth Device confessed nothing but spoke of the bites on old Demdikes arms done by Tibb. 

Alison in an act of revenge against Chattox for murdering her father and breaking into the Device home at Malkin tower confessed all to what Chattox had done. The reign of the witches was now over. 

Alison Device and her mother Elizabeth Device had been found guilty and were hung at the gallows and Chattox faced the same fate. Whereas old Demike died awaiting trial and always pleaded her innocence. The witch of Pendle escaped her punishment for her wicked ways in life. 

Years later digging up the ground round Malkin tower was the discovery of many human bones some of children and fingers and toes and animal parts. There was witchcraft symbols and shapes everywhere and this was evidence old Demdike had been commiting evil Witchcraft and sorcery and murder of many people including children. 

It is said a black cat has for many years sat on the grave of one of the witches. We all know the connection between black cats and witches. Perhaps he is her faithful companion and will wait there for eternity by magic guarding her forever. 

Does magic and sorcery really exist?  Can witches cast spells to harm others or rituals of healing and power. What became of Tibb and who does he have working for him now?  Perhaps there are witches now at work somewhere doing the devils work for him. 

Overall 9 women and 2 men were hanged for their crimes and sorcery. Demdike and Chattox were dead and gone but who knows what spells they cast in life. Perhaps they are set to return to the world one day under magic and cause more chaos. 

Who knows what will happen on a spooky Halloween night,  perhaps tonight is the night Demdike and her family and Chattox return to seek immortality and magic once again…. 

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Magic Halloween

Halloween or all hallows eve has to be one of the most exciting times of the year. As the nights draw in we are greeted with Halloween. I love Halloween. It is such a funtime and exciting and dark, creepy and mysterious. 

It is the day of the dead, the night of the spirits,  the acknowledgement of Paranormal forces. The witness and involvement in mainly evil entities and horror stories. 

I used to love ghost stories. They enchanted me and listened intently. Hiding under the covers as a child and wondering if there is anything lurking in the dark or under the bed. Images of witches flying past the moon,  ghosts creeping up the stairs and vampires stalking their human prey for blood in the dead of night. The scaryness and darkness is what we all bask in on this dark night of mainly of evil entities. In history people used to use the scary face on the pumpkin to warn away evil spirits but now we bask in scary creatures of darkness and dress evil. Everyone dresses in the darkness of death and evil creatures outfits and make themselves look scary for fun. 

‘As you walk home in the darkness of Halloweens magic spooky night,  while the full moon is big and bright

Keep your eyes out for the shadow passing of a witches hat,  and the shadow of a black cat

Listen for the evil laugh of a witch and the howling of her cat,  as she spells magic from her broomstick of which she is sat

As you wander through the dark you will hear the whisper of death at your side,  perhaps it is Dracula searching for his next bride

Look out for the eyes of red,  listen out for the sounds of footsteps on the stairs and the whisper of your name as you lie in bed,  perhaps it is the spirits of the dead’


The atmosphere of Halloween is amazing,  Candles take on a new meaning of magic candles and flames and people are excited for parties. Everyone has bought sweets for when children knock on the door for trick or treat dressed up as witches and Vampires and Skeletons. What a fantastic night. As a child I loved trick or treat and the thrill of knocking on peoples doors and gathering as many sweets as possible. It was a thrill when really young being out late for a child in the dark and meeting strangers. 

It is a time when for a day you can become something or someone else and escape the everyday you. A time when decorating the house is amazing and exciting to make it scary and creepy for people and parties. I love carving the pumpkin. I love making the face on it and watching it glow with a candle in it. 

This is one day of the year when all those people normally easily frightened by scary things come together to bask in this fun fuelled horror frenzy dressing up in scary dark outfits and party season begins. What a wonderful magical time. 

Halloween reminds me mainly of the Witch. The Witch is a massive symbol of Halloween. Halloween is part of the ancient Pagan religion of which witches were priestesses of. The black witch and her black magic is notorious for Halloween and stories. Many people dress as a black Witch. Casting her evil spells and magic and potions. She enforces her magic upon unsuspecting victims flying on her broomstick in the dead of night. Witches operate by the ancient pagan religion and worship nature and the cycles of the moon. They know when the moon is at its strongest and weakest and cast spells by the moon and its many cycles. They know when it’s the winter solstice and celebrate it. 

There are good witches who practice and worship nature peacefully and the evil witches we mainly know and hear about who practice sorcery, black magic and evil. Spells. Those who belong to a witches coven. The ones we know of from stories and scary films such as the Blair Witch project and the paranormal activity saga.

A witches black cat is in Western culture – a bad omen. If a black cat ever crosses your path you are supposed to be cursed with bad luck. It is a symbol of witchcraft and the occult. They are a witches companion. 

Witches and cats are drawn together like a magnet. They are meant to be together. They are similar as in astute, wise and independent. When witch and cat are together the magic is stronger. 

We are nearing that time of year when Hocus Pocus shall be on my tele. As mild Halloween films go this has to be one of the best for all ages to watch. The story of three Witch Sisters in Salem,  USA.  This is a fantastic little tale and brings out the essence of Halloween. Considering its technically Disney I really enjoy watching it. The story is amazing and you are kept watching all the way through as it is drama non stop. 

In the UK we had the Pendle Witches.  I love the story of the Witches. There was a group of them who practiced Black magic upon Pendle Hill and were hunted and hung as Witches during the Pendle Witch trials. Their legacy lives on to this day and hasn’t been forgotten. Names like Old Demdike,  Chattox and Alison Devize are carved into dark evil English medieval history.  It is said Alison Devize met a peddler on the road and he refused to sell his pegs to her. So she cursed him with death. The Peddler died a few yards up the road. Dropping dead instantly. 

Old Demdike was said to be in touch with the devil himself who often appeared to her as a boy and at times bit her to drain blood. 

The Confession of Demdike

2nd April, 1612 (as recorded by Thomas Pott’s inDiscovery of Witches, 1613).

The said Elizabeth Southerns [alias Demdike] confesseth, and sayth; that about twenty years past, as she was coming homeward from begging, there met her near unto a stonepit in Gouldshey, in the said Forrest of Pendle, a spirit or devil in the shape of a boy, the one half of his coat black, and the other brown, who bade her stay, saying to her, that if she would give him her soul, she should have any thing that she would request.

The mystery of their history continues to this day.  You can go round Pendle visiting the town and haunted Grave Yard and farm and cottage where some of the witches lived. If you visit the cemetry in Newchurch it is said a black cat often sits on one of the graves of the witches buried there. Luckily for me my family wandered the sites while I spent afternoon and most of the evening in the Pendle Witch Inn pub (thats right I’m bad)  

Do such things really exist?  Are there ghosts wandering through trapped between this world and the next?  Do creatures lurk in the shadows such as Witches and Warewolves and Vampires just stalking us home….Watching and waiting. Listen out for the creek of the staircase in the thick of night. 

Vampires have always been feared in history and movies and are majestic yet seductive. The vampire desires our blood and wants sink his fangs into the necks of many to quench his thirst. In recent years vampires have become a favourite due to the Twilight saga and there has become a love and a romance in vampire love stories due to this trend. But be careful who we fall in love for because the vampire is dark and seductive. 

We must remember the roots of Halloween as an ancient Pagan festival. Worshipped as a day when people believed at Witching hour the spirits of the dead returned to the living for one hour. People traditionally used to set a place at the table for their loved ones who were supposed to return. During Witching hour it is believed that the veil is at its thinnest between this world and the spirit world. Can you imagine if such a thing took place and the spirits did return. Perhaps they do… 

I have had a few ghost encounters over the years. Nothing obvious and possibly explainable. It is mainly noises, movements, shadows and whispers and dreams. 

One night I dreamt of my grandad. He was a shadow and he was walking off into a bright light. He turned and looked at me he was just all black. Then he began floating backwards arms out stretched into the light. I awoke as the phone was ringing. It was midnight and it was my nana. She was panicing as my grandad had just died in bed. Maybe this was co-incidence who knows. But to me it was real. 

Another time I had a scary encounter at 5am. I was disturbed at this time by something and I remember opening one eye. A shadow of a man passed along the wall and I seen the back of him in the mirror as he came round side of bed. The next thing I know I couldn’t move. I could only move my eyes I felt paralyzed. He stared at me. He wore a brown 1940s suit and his head was slicked back and he had a pocket watch. I had never ever seen him before but to this very day I can remember his face. 

These different events are what make the paranormal so fascinating to me. Many people are disbelievers but how can they deny so definately when the majority of people have a ghost story or know someone who does?  Perhaps it is a world we dont understand yet and personally I hope its never discovered as I love lifes mysteries it makes life exciting. Belief in a spirit world also brings comfort to many as we all hope to see our loved ones again someday.

If anyone has any ghost stories you shall have to let me know. 

I hope everyone has an amazing beautiful spooky Halloween and a fun fright filled night. 

Modern Slavery

Slavery when you hear about it is something from the depths of the past. But it isn’t. In fact it is worse than ever. 

In every country slavery is still happening and happening to many people. There is an estimated 40 million people involved in slavery.  People are being taken from one country to another to work as slaves against their will. They are being sent away from their homes and families and most of them will never see their families again. This has to stop. This is a cruel evil act against humanity. No one with a heart would ever do such a dispicable act to another. This is humanity at its worse. 

Here in the UK unknown to the majority of the British public slavery is happening in every single city. People from abroad are being smuggled in by human and sex traffick gangs and sold as slaves and forced to live and work in poor conditions. The majority of people being smuggled and sold as slaves are mainly women and children. 99% of people slaved in the sex trafficking business is women and girls. 

How can we allow this suffering and torture happen to children?  How we can allow them to face such a fate?  Children being exploited as labourers and workers. Forced to work long hours on farmlands and doing heavy lifting and hardwork.  Some children are forced into marriages. We must stop this. They deserve a proper chance in life and a proper childhood. 

This is a brief story of a man in Niger

“I was never treated like a human being, but instead I was treated like a machine, or a donkey that had to be beaten to make it work harder. Beatings and verbal abuse were routine for me.”

Tatinatt, former slave in Niger

Imagine if it was you. You are in your homeland. You live with family and see them often. They love and care for you and you care for them. Then one day it all changes. You are kidnapped by a gang and taken away from everything you love. You are taken far away to a land you do not know and sold as a possession. Your livimg conditions and treatment is poor and you are beaten as punishment. You are made to do jobs no one else would want to do by choice and sleep in physical ropes. If not physical chains then your soul is chained. Imagine the fear and fright knowing you wont see your family again. You are working long difficult hours doing difficult chores. There is no human rights for you. They no longer apply. You are at the mercy of your ‘owners’. Can you imagine such a terror? I am sure most of us have seen the film taken and get the kind of idea of what is happening to many girls and women. 

This is a common crime which faces mainly women and children being smuggled round the world and raped, tortured and sold as possessions. They are being sent away for money far away. They are treated disgusting. Locked in rooms and made to sleep on basically next to nothing. They are controlled and owned.  They will never feel freedom again. 

Many Young girls are used as sex slaves in the sex trafficking industry. They are forced against their will to commit indecent acts with many men in one day. They are often drugged and sedated and sold as nothing to anyone, These are peoples daughters. These are peoples sisters. Just like your own daughters and sisters. Men when you watch sex videos and images on your devices of naked girls etc which you enjoy how do you know these girls are not being forced to do these images and videos for your pleasure to make another man money? You could be enjoying watching slavery taking place instead. Not all the girls are there by free will. You could be funding sexual slavery. 

This has been happening all through human history. We all thought slavery was abolished but it hasn’t and never has been. The people who are being taken as slaves are just people being taken from their homeland. We all know the story of the poor African Americans in history taken to America and enslaved for 100s of years. They are just people and deserve to be free. 

Slavery exists on many forms it has just become so the normal we choose to accept it as the normal. How many of us work long hard hours and at the end of it get little back in return? How many of us are taxed so greatly we are left with not alot to show for the work we have done?  We work hard and are left with not alot at the end of the day. Does your job and effort reflect the pay you get honestly?  Do you ever feel like a slave or a prisoner working hard for others who dont appreciate it?  We have all become slaves in society and only a select few benefit from it. How many of us are in debt because we needed help to pay the bills then have to work longer hours and weekends and give up all your free time to pay a debt back?  This is slavery which most of us face without realizing. Your life belongs to them who you are in debt. 

Have you ever wondered who makes the clothes you wear? Have you ever wondered how much they got paid and how many hours they worked to make them? In places in Asia I am aware there are people working long hours for next to nothing money for companies who supply the West with toys and clothes and equipment. Here this is a bleak life for them as they come away with nothing to show for such hardship. But for them the hardship is normal. Companies in UK are moving there operation centres abroad to employ cheap labour. In other words they are saving money but making people work harder for less expense to them. 

We all live somewhere. We may all think we might live in a nice area but no one truly knows what is happening behind closed doors. Have you ever seen or noticed unusual behaviour of people?  As we dont realize slavery still exists we dont look for the signs that someone might be a victim. 

When will mankind open its eyes to the suffering of the world?  When will it stop?  If we all want to make a change this can happen. The core majority of people in this world are good people. They possess heart and soul and dreams same as anyone else. They want love and peace and family. This is humanity. This is where the beauty is. Lets make this beauty win through and humanity conquer all. 

May humanity win through in the end. May all human hearts be free. 

The simple Truth

When you see Earth from space,  what do you see?  Can you see political borders from space?  Can you see territories? Do you see hate?  Or do you see beauty? 

Who lives here on this planet? Is it controlled by one particular race?  Is it a planet of White people?  It is a planet of Black people or Asian people? 

Yes it is a place of one race, which has lived on this planet together and breathed the same oxygen and need the same water as each other for millions of years, as one big family from the beginning,  where one race lives together floating through space – the Human race….

Sexual assault cases

Sexual assault in this world is a massive issue. So many women and girls have so many personal stories and its a wider issue than could ever be imagined. It has to stop and stop now. 

Women deserve to be treated with respect,  they deserve to be treated equal and as a human being just as much as a man. Nobody has a right to touch or abuse another without their consent. Women and girls are not objects. They are people with hearts and souls the same as men.

Humanity must come together and stop this dispicable crime. People are suffering and being mentally tortured and their Minds affected for years afterwards. It is not fair to let this continue and not fair to let this happen to people. 

Sexual assault cases exist everywhere. Within the family,  at home and at work and even on the streets. But together we can stop this. People should be treated for who they are not what they are. Women and girls shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed of their gender. They are people with hearts and souls and they are capable of so much. 

We all have mothers,  sisters and daughters. Non of us want them to suffer like that. Non of us want them feel scared and shamed. We want them to live in a free world where their hearts and dreams are free and they are allowed to feel safe and capable of being themselves. 

You must always remember no matter what anyone says – you are not to blame,  it is not your fault. It is their fault and they are entirely in the wrong. Do not let anyone tell you differently. They had no right to do what they did to you. 

I personally didn’t realize it was on such a mass scale and I am shocked to discover just how rife this situation is and how cruel it is. As a man I shall never turn a blind eye to a Mans crimes against a woman. It is cruel and evil and completely wrong. 

People are being made to suffer in silence and tortured and damaged for years. How can this be right?  What kind of a world do we live in where people are too scared to speak up and tell the truth because they are too scared?  These people need an avenue to tell their stories and to be believed and encouraged and supported. It is a massive deal to them that they wont ever forget. 

Humanity needs to help them. The world needs a tougher system on people who commit such acts and start the beginning of the end of such cruelty. They cannot be allowed to think they can get away with it. 

This needs to have more focus on it from the world. It needs to be brought forward and exposed as I believe in some ways the issue is being ignored and brushed under the carpet. Well no more. We shall bring it forward. We shall show the world of dispicable crimes against decent human beings which people think they can get away with. Well no because we are now here to fight. We are here to stand tall against sex crimes and child abuse. This has to end now. We will bring this forward to the eyes of the world and no it shall not be ignored. The people matter. In nature women are just as equal and as important as men. 

Sadly it also happens to men mainly boys from other men. Dont forget this and they are victims too and are hiding away in the shadows lost and affected. 

I can understand why people remain silent. I was once bullied and told no one. I was too scared to do so. I was frightened no one would believe me and of the consequences of me speaking up. I didnt tell anyone for years. But its important we speak up. 

So all the victims of this cruelty come together and speak up. Lets stop these terrible crimes before they hurt others. Lets punish those who deserve it. Those who have hurt us. For the victims Humanity is with you,  the real people support you and we believe you. 

So find that courage and that strength and speak out. Humanity is proud of you and for how well you have coped. 

May humanity come together and let hearts be free. 

A Mothers Daughter

To the mother of the most beautiful girl I could ever wish to see, 

The beauty you brought into the world,  your efforts were done miraculously, 

Beauty of your daughter echoing through all eternity

You gave life to the most beautiful girl both now and in history

You watched her in the cradle, you protected the roof over her head,  you gave her a soft warm snug home to grow and a snug little bed. 

You have wrapped her always in unconditional love and care, you and you alone have protected her with all your heart,  and your love has followed her everyday and everywhere. 

I cannot thank you enough for the day you gave birth, The angels must of sang, For you brought to us,  an angel on Earth

Your daughter is amazing, beautiful,  sweet and true and thats all because of you

You have raised her to possess a beautiful heart,  you have raised her to be the best she can be,  and her heart of love,  came from the guidance of her wonderful mother from the very start 

You have wiped away tears in her eyes, You have seen her grow respectful of herself,  and taught her that belief and hope in the heart never dies

You raised her to know her heart will always be free, You fought for her to always be treated equally

Because of you,  she knows of her dreams and that no one can ever stand in her way,  Because of you she believes in herself, 
Because of you she’s the success that she is today

You made sure she will never be oppressed,  you made sure she will never be supressed, she is the result of your dedication, and life and love shall she be blessed, 

You should be proud,  your daughters heart and eyes are filled with love,  I believe truly that you gave birth to a beautiful destiny,  sent from the heavens above

You brought to the world the most beautiful face,  and you made my world a better place

Your daughter is the greatest I have ever knew,  she has lit up my world,  with her heart so special and true

So I am eternally grateful,  and I just want to say I am blessed to know her and its all because of you

An Autism story

Autism happens to many people and affects people at different levels. Some people can have severe Autism and some people can have autism which they dont even know they have. The symptoms and experiences vary from person to person. It is not a condition people should be made to feel ashamed of or afraid to have or embarrassed to have. Some people with Autism can be really clever at certain tasks. Some people can even be genius. It is not a disability or that sufferers have no abilities it just they have different abilities. 

Autism can involve repetative behaviour doing the same things over and over again. Saying and thinking the same thing over and over again. The picture above is fascinating. Although he isn’t playing them as many children would. They are lining them up precisely and organized. Almost as if thy have a sharp intrigued calculated brain. 

Whenever the word Autism is mentioned people who dont understand it or know anyone with ADS instantly judge it and refer to it as a disability and weird and wrong. But in my belief Autism is not properly taught or educated to people. It has remained hidden away from society and never discussed by anyone other than those directly affected. 

In my own personal opinion and my belief which probably not happened to others I think in society if someone tells you they have Autism the view they have of you changes and they distance themselves from you. But why?  There is nothing wrong with it. It is not contageous and it is not harmful. Its just another way of life. Autism is not a disease or an illness. It is a learning difference or a mental health issue. People judge Autism as a disability and this is because of a stigma and a lack of understanding of Autism. Instead of judging them why not help them instead? 

This is my friends experience of Autism/ASD:

I have no diagnosis exactly for this as I am new to this discovery of myself. I am 31 and For years I have searched for answers to why I am the way I am. I have always felt different and weird for the way I am and how I am different to others in behaviour.

I have always struggled socially especially as a child to make friends. For example on holiday my older brother would make friends within an hour. I never made friends within the two weeks. I have always felt socially excluded and awkward. I have always felt on the outside of social circles. I struggled to fit in with conversations of many and my close main circle was of people similar and alternative mindset like I had. This has gone on through my life in social and work circles where i have at first struggled to fit in with people and their ways of thinking. I have experienced over the years obsessions and fixations and share and continue interesting conversations to me well longer than the majority of people would. 

I become engrossed in things I love almost fixated in them and my mind is over taken by TV shows and interests and I think the same thing over and over again in my head until I can settle my mind with an answer. I also have fidgeting habbits but this is in my legs where when I am sat down they are constantly moving and shaking. I have no reason for this. 

I have known at times over the years I have had mild OCD from checking locks constantly on the house and car and if I couldn’t remember if I had checked a certain lock my mind would irritate me wondering and I couldn’t rest until I had checked again. 

When people are talking to me I am listening but I find it hard to take the instructions in they ask as my mind is so rapidly flowing thoughts of interesting things to me that I dont process what they say. 

I feel as if my mind is seperate from my body. My mind is so active and I live mainly within my mind. Whereas my physical body has very little needs at all. 

I enjoy romance on tele and in books and I love writing about romance and love but this only exists within my mind. I cannot find a way or need to portray it in the physical world and have no urge or desire to do so at all. Love and romance exists within my mind but not my physical needs. 

I never have any kind of sexual attraction to anyone. Yes people are beautiful but I have no interest in anything more than them being a friend. I feel totally ‘disconnected’ from the world of attraction and physical love and romance. 

I struggle to have empathy for others. If someone is unwell or in hospital I feel nothing really. It comes across as insensitive but thats not what my mind thinks as my mind will think it through. My body doesn’t respond. Its not that Indont care because I do I just lack the connection to others.  I dont seem to feel any emotion reguarly other than laughter and anger. 

I have no desire for sex in the physical sense  and whenever having a girlfriend it makes it so awkward and uncomfortable because I feel its what I should be doing and then go on a quest to force myself to be like that because thats what others are like. This then becomes a nightmare for me and for years made me feel so wrong and not a proper man as I hear of how men cannot live without sex. Whereas I could go forever. She would want sex and I am more than happy to go sleep instead and make no show of interest at all of sexual relations. 

It also has been so deeply awkward and umcomfortable for me to display affection for girlfriends in the past in front of my mum and dad. I felt so uncomfortable and wrong and stupid. I felt like embarrassed and awkward and cuddled or kissed her because I thought I should. Not because I wanted to. I cannot display the affection to someone. Especially not in front of people. I just always felt out of place. Looking back I think I only had girlfriends because I thought I should not because I wanted that particular person. Its not that I didn’t care for them,  I did enjoy their company and thought they were great as people.  I have never missed anyone though or been deeply attached to another as many people are in life and love. I can survive alone and often prefer to be alone in the times when I need space. 

Whenever I have been involved with anyone in a relationship I become socially awkward at family events and gatherings and I feel out of place and dont know how to act. Its almost as if I dont want her to be there with me. I would rather of been there alone and myself. Not because of who she is but because of who I am. I felt I have to behave in a certain way and as a boyfriend should but the desire was never there. It felt wrong and awkward. I will never have a relationship again. 

I dont mind cuddles but I dislike being touched or grabbed. It makes me feel awkward and irate as I genuinely dont like being grabbed even as a hug. 

My physical body is male but my mind is mixed between both male and female thoughts and behaviours. My mind is genderless. Socially I seem to be able to interact with girls better as the conversation is easier and on same tunes as my mind. Talking with boys leaves me in a lonely world of talk I cannot relate to makes me feel less or weird. I do have some male friends but ones I know well and conversations wander into my interests and not just about sexy girls and cars. My mind don’t operate it as I want to be talking deeper talks and talks which feed my mind.

I am constantly thinking. I am thinking of 100s of things rapidly. Both imaginative things and situations and ideas. I could sit in a chair and think all day. I can watch same films many times if I enjoy them and repeat and remember things well. I have certain rituals such as spot on same time to work. 

But at the end of the day being this way makes me a talented writer and artist. I just feel I live in a different world on a different path to the majority. 

Recently I discovered a forum. Within this forum was stories similar to mine. I suddenly felt happy and relief and belonging – there was people like me and I am not alone afterall. Now I dont know if this is Autism/ASD or something else. All I know is – this is me’ (this is his own personal experience and doesnt mean everyone suffers no romance etc) 

When people mention Autism people instantly believe it is a disability. But it isn’t. In fact it is a unique ability to think and create differently. Many great successful minds have possessed Autism. Many discoveries have been made at the minds of Autism. The different way of thinking and the precise repeativeness and of the mind can lead to a sharpness and an different path to answers. The way their minds can work and the desperate need for answers can lead to great results. For example my friend cant rest or settle until he has answered something his mind needs the answer for. He will think it over and over again. 

The people above possessed Autism. They achieved greatness and discovery in life.

In work my friends son has severe Autism. He cannot talk and requires special needs. His life is wildly different from most other people you know but thats all it is – different. There will be a talent somewhere within him such as maths or music. The communications available to sufferers are often just different forms of communications. 

So if you meet someone with Autism dont judge them but observe them. You could learn alot from some people and admire abilities you yourself do not possess. Just because they act and think differently to you doesn’t mean they are any less than you. Support them if they have talents and let them flourish in life. 

I cannot speak for everyone’s case with Autism I dont know how severe the symptoms and I imagine for parents at times this is hard to deal with and understand but never ever give up on those wandering eyes and super minds you love before you. There is a super person within them which just communicates in different ways. If we all did the same we would be boring. 

So in life we must embrace everyone as everyone is unique and talented. Their life is just as much a miracle as ours. They might do things differently but we all do things different. So lets just live and love and understand..